


Slay, lay. What's the difference?

by SarcasticBrony



Series: "Archive of our own" Exclusive [2]
Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Anthropomorphic, Blood and Gore, Comedy, Dark, Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-25 06:08:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17115890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticBrony/pseuds/SarcasticBrony
Summary: Dragons are bad, they need to be slain or lain... what's the difference?





	Slay, lay. What's the difference?

Anon, the famed knight, recognized throughout Equestria; the only knight in Equestria, because Equestria doesn’t have knights. Does that make him a lousy knight? With nothing else to compare to, he’s the best amongst his class. The adventures he’s had have become abundant ever since he appeared in this land of ponies. At first, he wondered what he would do with his life because he never imagined living without the internet was an option. Until he realized he could live out the one fantasy he never dared to dream of back on earth. 

Going outside and stabbing things.

He grins as he reminisces about his first job. It was a few months after coming to Equestria and learning the ins and outs of this place. The princess took it upon herself to guide him with these studies. Much of it being far more physical than he expected but he didn’t complain as it was apparently apart of their customs. One mid-morning romp had her spilling to him about a griffin spy that was collecting information about her nation.

So, Anon, with a dream in his heart, asked the princess for a butter knife and five minutes alone with the Griffin. She was intrigued by his offer and accepted it. As it turns out, he probably should’ve asked for something sharper; after five hours of stabbing, he eventually killed the spy after having extracted all the information he had. It was by no means a painless or silent death, and many of the guards who stood outside still have nightmares to this day, but that’s not what this story is about.

No, it’s about the latest assignment. It’s a task of which could easily cost him his life. The princess has asked for him to slay a dragon.

“A dragon?”

“Yes, the new dragoness in control of that clutch is starting to make unreasonable demands. Bring her under control, and I shall reward you handsomely.”

The princess takes off her crown and shakes her mane a bit to mess it up. To which Anon knows she’s most likely expecting another traditional goodbye ceremony. However, Anon has a great distance to travel and doesn’t have time to take another shower.

“Sorry, Princess.” Anon gives a bow. “Time is limited, and I wish to strike at this task immediately.”

With a look of disappointment, Celestia brings her crown back to the top of her head. 

“Very well. Now, remember Anon. It’s important that you lay the dragon, not slay it. Otherwise, it’ll just cause problems down the line.”

Anon is polishing his sword, half listening to the princess.

“Slay got it.” He turns around and heads towards where the chariots are.

“No! I said to lay the dragon!” It’s too late, Anon has already left, and Celestia isn’t sure if he even heard her. “Perhaps I should’ve sent Twilight?”

With a shrug, the Princess decides to take five minutes touching herself while thinking about the magnificent beast that just left. Oh, how she wants nothing more than to claim him as her own. Perhaps after this job, she will request he become her prince? A smile crosses her muzzle. Yes, that idea sounds lovely.

* * *

“Here we are, Sir.”

Anon gets out of his chariot and looks around. This place is nothing but rock and brimstone. Not only that but the target was stupid enough to invite him directly to the throne room. This task is going to be easy. Anon glances back to the pegasi guards hooked to the chariot. 

“Be ready to depart with haste.” He winks at them and slides his thumb over his throat.

“S-Sir, I believe the princess requested–”

“Are you telling me what I already know?” Anon challenges.

The guard who spoke out of turn quickly shapes up. “Apologies, Sir!”

“That’s what I thought.”

Anon returns to facing the path set before him: Along carved pathways through the sea of jagged rocks, a road of pebbles lead him to a structure. Just like the sharp rocks that flank him from either side, the structure towers above all, like a mockery of a castle. He swore he could hear the whispering of a DM explaining the area he found himself in.

This would be Anon’s second time facing a dragon. The first he slew was causing a bunch of smoke to engulf Ponyville but was simple enough to kill after slitting its throat while it slept. He recalls the gasps for breath and gurgling of blood filling the beast's throat as it woke up at the last second to relish in the pain of dying.

Sure, the yellow one wouldn’t stop crying, but after a threat to silence her the same way he did the dragon, her friends thankfully shut her up. It was a good day, and the dragon not only tasted good but also made some pretty badass armor. Anon looks down to his red scaled masterpiece. It’s resistant to most elemental attacks, practically slash proof and a symbol of Anon’s power.

As he makes his approach, the doors to what he assumes are the throne room open. The strange thing is that Anon hasn’t seen a single guard around. Are these creatures this idiotic? He shrugs, walking up to the door, letting himself inside quietly before closing the door. Glancing around he finds most of the room is vacant, except for something off further ahead — a small blue anthro dragon. 

“What the fuck?” 

Anon tries to make sense of this but he can’t. The dragon he fought was a proper dragon: all fours, giant and everything else. This thing, this is a bastardization of what humans love about dragons. It’s small, humanoid and disgusting to look at. Now Anon fully understands why the princess sent him here. He must cleanse this beast. However, he must play it cool for now. 

“Welcome,” The dragoness calls out.

Even thinking of her as a dragon makes him sick. He wants nothing more than to draw his sword and plunge it into the depths of this abomination.

“Glad to be here.” Anon keeps walking closer. “Celestia has sent me.”

“That she has. She and I have agreed: You are to lay me, and from there, peace will reign for both of our lands.”

“Right.” Anon only needs to take a few more steps. “Do you like roleplaying?”

“What is this ‘roleplay’?”

“It’s simple. We play out a scenario to make things hotter.” Anon draws his sword. “I have a great idea. How about I’m the big bad human looking to slay a dragon?”

The dragoness licks her lips. “Mmm... I could get behind this roleplay idea.”

“Alright, I’ll start.” He brings his sword up. “So here we are, Dragon. Are you ready to die?”

She grins. “To think you slew all my guards to get to me. What are you after, my hoard?”

“I care of no such things.”

She quirks a brow. “Perhaps you’re here for _this_?” 

She spreads her legs and gives Anon a view of her lady parts. He resists the urge to vomit at the identical look it has to a human's. What cruel god would take something unique as another creature and give it something as bland as a human pussy?! Such a terrible assault cannot be left unanswered! If there was ever a time to strike, it's now. He keeps his lustful smirk as he walks up and rests his blade by her feet and gently drags it up her thigh and to her belly with the flat part. She’s shivering in place now and enjoying the attention.

“Perhaps you’re right.” The tip of my sword is now at her stomach, but he keeps it held tight as not to break the skin. “But I am a man of honor!”

He shoves the sword down as it pierced through her stomach. She would've cried out if it wasn't for Anon having already laid on top of her and covered her mouth with his spare hand. She’s looking at him with wide eyes, trying to struggle but he easily keeps her pinned.

“Shhhh... It’s alright, close your eyes, it’ll all be over soon,” Anon whispers as he watches the terror slowly fade as she bleeds out.

He removes his sword from her gut but to be sure stabs her a few more times to ensure she’s dead. No extra movement. Perfect. Now, this anthro abomination is dealt with, but Anon's job is far from over. He must ensure this entire place isn’t filled with more of these atrocities as he's the only one capable of cleansing this blasphemy.

* * *

Anon walks into Celestia’s throne room dripping in blood. She and the elements were talking about going to the dragon kingdom to help assist Anon, but as soon as he walked in, they locked eyes with his tired and bloodsoaked form.

“The job is finished,” Anon announces.

“D-Did you lay Ember?” Celestia asks.

“I certainly did lay her, Princess. I laid her to rest, for eternity. Six feet, to be specific.” Anon briefly chuckles at his whit. “I slew all those disgusting anthro trash beasts.”

“A-All of them? You slew all the dragons?!” Twilight asks.

Anon shakes his head. “Of course not all of them. Only the anthro ones. I left the proper dragons alone. Oh yeah, I’m their king now. So, got any other jobs for me?” Anon looks toward Celestia.

Celestia is trying her best to keep herself composed. But it doesn’t help, as seeing this manly beast as he is is enough to cause an unstoppable flood from her privates. She wants nothing more than to mount and ride him, even if that blood smears into her fur.

“N-No,” Celestia takes a deep breath. “Sorry, it appears it was unnecessary to call on you elements.”

“Unnecessary?!” Rainbow shouts. “He killed all the dragons!”

“Like I said, not all of them.” Anon reiterates.

“We’ll deal with this later,” Celestia speaks up. “For now you’re all dismissed.”

The elements walk by Anon, keeping their distance.

“You better hope he never learns about the mirror,” Rainbow whispers to Twilight as they leave.

Once Anon and Celestia are alone, he looks at her with a smirk.

“Tell me about this mirror.”


End file.
